


Mnemonic Kiss

by msermesth



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Dubious Consent, Emotionally Crippled Idiots In Love, M/M, Memory Loss, post-Siege
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-12-02 17:47:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11514342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/msermesth/pseuds/msermesth
Summary: Tony's body still remembers, even if his brain doesn't.





	Mnemonic Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Cap_IronMan Kink Meme. Anon requested "Tony doesn't remember anything since fighting Mallen, but when Commander Rogers kisses him, angry and worried, it's weirdly familiar."
> 
> Disclaimer: This is my first time writing m/m smut. Also, I'm tagging this dub-con because even though it wouldn't change Tony's actions, he is still missing some vital information here. Additionally, this is unbeta'd.

Tony saw Steve in the tower way more often then made any sense. Seattle and Stark Resilient had been taking up most of his time, so trips to the East Coast were being saved for strictly Avengers-related things. At the same time, Steve was commanding SHIELD and probably didn’t have enough time to sleep, let alone check in on only one of the currently operating Avengers teams.

Yet, this was the fifth time this month it was the both of them in the empty Tower kitchen. It gave him an eerie sense of deja vu. One of his last memories was the two of them standing right here as they built their new team. It was just that back then, the tower was new and Steve would look him in the eye for more than five seconds at a time. Part of him was glad for this piece of familiarity, and the rest of him wanted to stop dwelling on everything that was different in this new world in which he had woken up.

It went against everything in Tony to find some excuse to leave when it seemed clear that Steve was here for a reason, but the stretched silences and clipped conversations were getting to be too much.  For all of Steve’s overtures about their repaired friendship, sometimes it seemed like when he said, ‘let’s try not to kill each other’, he meant he _really was_ trying. 

“I like the new outfit,” Tony said in one last attempt to find something, really anything, to talk about. It wasn’t even a lie- the new costume was uncomfortably flattering. It may have been contributing to Tony’s inability to be in the same room with the man.

Steve was studying the floor tiles. “Jan designed it years ago, but you know me. I couldn’t just give up the old one,” he mumbled.

What was he supposed to say? They didn’t feel familiar enough that he could have made an off-hand joke about his death and Bucky’s promotion. For the fiftieth time in the last ten minutes Tony wished someone would just give him a gyroscope to help him understand which way was up. “She always knew how to play up your best features.” _Which is all of them,_ Tony pathetically thought.

“The initial design didn’t include all the belt pouches. I’m sure she’d have something to say about that,” Steve responded. The fondness in his voice hurt.

“Then, it’s probably for the best she isn’t here to see you,” Tony said, but almost immediately regretted it.

He couldn’t read the look on Steve’s face, but he imagined him trying to formulate the proper rebuke for Tony’s callous comment. Instead, Steve asked, “What was it like? When she died. I... I miss her.”

At some point, he would have been able to give a real answer. Tony could almost feel empty hole in his brain that was supposed to contain the information and feelings that would have helped him respond. But all he could say was, “I don’t know.”

Steve’s eyes found the floor again. “I keep forgetting you don’t remember.”

Tony didn’t know what to say to that. He was over apologizing. It was all pointless anyway, since he couldn’t even account for what he did. But at the same time, he was sure he was missing somethings he desperately wished he could remember. He had read the newspapers and the wiki articles and the intelligence reports, but there was a vital piece of the puzzle Tony was missing as he was trying to put his life back together, and that was himself. He didn’t know what he had been thinking and that was the scary part. “I’m not sure I _want_ to remember any of it,” Tony confessed and it went against everything he had ever believed as a scientist. But well, he knew what happened since Extremis and all of it sounded horrible.

Steve looked up and finally gave Tony a small smile of acknowledgment. “I think I know what you mean.” Everything about Steve’s body language signaled he had much more to say, but he just let that hang in the air. At least now he was maintaining eye contact.

“Steve-” Tony said, because he knew what that confession meant. Or he thought he did till Steve began to slowly move toward him, his gaze intense and unwavering. For not the first time since he woke up, hell- not the first time since this conversation had started- Tony felt completely off balance.

That didn’t change when Steve threaded his fingers through Tony’s hair and leaned in to kiss him. At first, it was tentative and Tony could almost imagine that it was as unexpected to him and it was to Tony. But then something shifted. The tectonic plate that kept them on different wavelengths adjusted and Steve’s mouth became frantic and confident.

See, Tony didn’t remember anything since fighting Mallen, but he had a feeling he wanted to remember whatever he needed to know to make sense of this. Because this kiss and the way Steve was pressed against him felt weirdly familiar. The weight of it, the weight of _Steve_ , was comforting and Tony’s hands found Steve’s hips like it was instinct. He hoped beyond hope that this was just muscle memory, because it meant that everything they had been leading to before Extremis had been real.

Steve pulled away but kept his hand at the back of Tony’s head. “Tony...” Steve whispered, and it was more of a question than his name. He was searching for something, maybe a sign of recognition or surprise to flash across Tony’s face, but Tony felt neither of those things.

“Later. Let’s talk about it later.” And Tony was proud of himself for even being able to string that sentence together, because the moment his lips found Steve’s, he never wanted to speak again. Everything felt a little more unbalanced this time. Steve’s body was completely flush against Tony’s, pushing him into the counter top, but Tony was fighting his own battle to kiss Steve deeper and harder. Steve responded by adjusting his stance so that Tony’s thigh was wedged between his own. If there had been any doubt where this was going, it disappeared with the feeling of Steve’s hard and persistent erection against him. Steve moaned like he wasn’t expecting anything that was happening, and Tony moaned because how could he not?

Tony’s hands played at the bottom of Steve’s uniform shirt, but the thing was skin-tight. He wished had been involved in its creation and knew how to get his fingers underneath. Steve smiled against his lips and wrapped his hands around Tony’s wrists, guiding them till he could feel the zipper hidden in the side. It was too much to focus on everything that was going on, but somehow Tony found it in him to slowly remove the top and reveal the athletic undershirt Steve wore beneath. At the same time Steve was making quick work of Tony’s suit jacket and everything else. Their clothes were coming off in an uncoordinated mess that somehow still felt choreographed- like Tony had been hardwired to know just when to lift his arms so Steve could slip his shirt off without resistance.

He still hadn’t opened his eyes (what would he use sight for when he had perfectly working hands?), but now that they were naked from the waist up, Tony realized he wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen now. He didn’t really have any preferences, but he wondered if Steve preferred to bottom or to top, or did he even like anal? How did he feel about condom usage? Was he picky about lube? Of course, he wondered these things before realizing neither of them lived here anymore and that he certainly hadn’t come prepared for sex.

It was just that there was just so many things he didn’t know about what Steve liked and what he didn’t, and he needed that information as soon as possible. If he had any doubt about what their history had been, it disappeared when Steve pinched his left nipple hard with the sharp part of his fingernails. With a gasp he shuddered, trapped between the counter and Steve’s solid form. Steve, the bastard, smiled because certainly he knew that was going to send sparks down Tony’s spine. See, it seemed that for all the things Tony didn’t know about Steve, Steve knew that much more about him.

He knelt down, testing his hypothesis that there was at least one thing he was sure Steve would like. The buttons and zippers on the pants turned out to be the easy part- it was pulling down the skin-tight leather that was the challenge. But once they were around Steve’s ankles, Tony gave himself the opportunity to make use of his current visual field and found he liked what he saw. Somehow Steve managed to fill out a pair of white cotton briefs in a way that was practically obscene and Tony was sure he was never going to be able to look at a pair of tighty-whities the same.

Tony had an internal debate about whether he should take the time and care to peel the things off or just pull out Steve’s cock, but in the end, he split the difference and tugged them down so they were just below his knees. Steve was rock hard and well... there. For just a second Tony worried that he had read the situation all wrong and looked up to see Steve staring down at him with all the intensity of his earlier looks. Like before, his expression was something Tony couldn’t comprehend. If he had to take a stab at it, he would have settled on ‘fond and sad’.

‘Fond and sad’ wasn’t a no, however, and Tony defiantly maintained eye contact while he wrapped his left hand around the base of Steve’s cock and guided it into his mouth.  Steve fell forward and caught himself by gripping the counter behind Tony’s head. That’s when his unreadable expression broke and instead his forehead knit together in concentration as his eyes fluttered opened and closed. Tony had to take a moment to stretch his jaw so that he could accommodate as much of Steve’s dick as he could fit comfortably. The taste and smell of it was overpowering and he tried to focus on that as the tile pressed on his knees. It was an all five senses experience, Tony mused, as he stared at the juts in Steve’s hipbones where they met his soft and wiry blond hair and listened to himself moan around Steve’s cock. More questions filled his mind- would Steve want to come down his throat? On his face? Or did Steve think those options were too crude?

He hoped not.

It had been a while since he had done this and it took a few minutes to settle into a rhythm, though once he did, Tony moved his hands to grip Steve’s ass. The move was partly to gain balance and partly to encourage Steve to move his hips. Tony liked it when his partners were a little rough, and Steve had to know that if he knew about the nipple thing. Steve’s hips canted forward and for a moment Tony was certain he was going to oblige him. But instead Steve’s hands gripped his wrists and tugged them up and off. Tony followed and leaned into Steve’s hold as his legs were too weak to stand him up easily. Without effort, he was lifted up onto the counter and he responded by spreading his legs as far as possible. Steve, standing there naked save for the pants around his ankles, was busy working on the buttons on Tony’s fly and Tony took Steve’s nudity as an advantage and began to jerk him off without waiting for Steve to finish the task he was concentrating on.

Steve didn’t even make the effort to attempt and remove Tony’s pants, but instead pushed them just low enough that he only had to reach in and pull Tony out. Intellectually, Tony was expecting it, but Steve’s firm grip on his dick still caught him by surprise. He gasped something that wasn’t entirely English into Steve’s shoulder and then tilted his head so he could awkwardly catch Steve’s mouth. Their hands found some sort of rhythm, though Tony was sure if he studied it, it would haven’t made any sense, and they kept alternating between kissing and moaning till Steve ducked his head and took Tony’s nipple between his teeth. After that Tony couldn’t keep up with Steve mouth and rested his head on the man’s shoulder. Steve motioned to repeat the action and Tony preemptively breathed, “oh god, yes,” and then loudly reiterated the phrase when Steve followed through.

It wasn’t going to last much longer at that pace, and Tony had a feeling Steve could tell, because he was kissing Tony’s jaw and holding him even closer. Tony’s orgasm built till his whole body felt like a taut bowstring, finally plucked. It took at least a minute of breathing heavily through the aftershocks to realize Steve hadn’t finished yet and surprisingly, Tony hadn’t even stopped moving his hand. At a different time, Tony would have been impressed with the man’s stamina, but right now, Tony was too worn out to do more than subtly adjust his grip so that Steve could do half the work and fuck into his fist.

He wrapped his arm around Steve’s neck and felt, rather than heard, Steve moaning into his skin. A few times Tony was sure he was hearing a litany of his own name, over and over again, but it was never loud enough to be sure. He watched and his hand moved around Steve’s cock and noticed he was twisting his wrist and strategically thumbing the tip in a way that looked familiar, even though Tony was sure he had never used the technique on himself. This must have been something his body knew Steve enjoyed and that knowledge, mingled with his post-orgasmic high, made him feel warm and content.

Then he had an idea and lifted his head so he could talk directly into Steve’s ear. “Fuck, Steve. That was... fucking fantastic.” Steve’s hips were moving faster and if he was saying anything before, it had dissolved into a mess of affirmations and obscenities. Tony continued to babble and held on closer. “I got you. I’m right here, and it’s going to be ok.”

Tony pulled Steve closer as he came silently all over Tony's hand and stomach and thighs. His body was still and so taut he was practically vibrating, but then he let out a loud sign and his body relaxed and began to slump down. However, his pants were around his ankles, and he lost his balance, fell, and took Tony with him. They were saved from a nasty impact when Steve’s arms shot out and broke their fall. Somehow, he managed to maintain his super-soldier instincts, even when blessed-out.

It took a few moments to slip down so that they were laying on the cold tile. The sex and adrenaline was making both breath heavily, but Tony found that as his heart stopped beating so fast, he didn’t want to say anything. After all, what had happened only proved that they had a past, not that they had a future. Tony could only imagine all the ways their relationship went wrong when they were fighting over SHRA. And even if he didn’t know the details about how they ended, he was worried if he said anything, Steve would remember them and get up to leave.

That was why it was Steve who, uncharacteristically, broke the silence. “I used to think that I would never look at you the same way,” he began as he lifted his head from the floor to look Tony in the eyes. That fond and sad look was back on his face. “Turns out, no matter how much easier it would be, I can _never stop_ looking at you that way.”

“Which way are you talking about?” Tony asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

Steve reached out a hand and stroked Tony’s cheek. “Like you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love comments so hard.


End file.
